I've never been more relaxed than right now. Granted, I have my last final in t minus two hours, but what the heck? It's Senior year, anyway! (Though I have spent all of yesterday creating the bomb-est study guide, I woke up this morning and realized I've already soaked in all of the information). Phew* Moving on, I've made this quick assumption that people think I'm crazy or perhaps, a directionless loser whenever I shrug off questions such as: Where will you be working? What are you going to do? What are you future plans? [Only because I can read people's facial expressions quite well and they always tend to look surprise since they probably figured I would have things figured out by now]
It's not like I lack the decency to provide them with an adequate answer. It's just I'm not the type of person to talk the talk without walking the walk. Typically, I tend to walk first then talk later. I feel like it builds more character and credibility. Morevover, as of this very second, I just don't find the need to overtly express my anxiety when I can just live and enjoy the moment. After all, I've waited almost twenty two years for this. Yes, I do not have to worry about mortgages, my nonexistent puppy, or a husband, I know that I am in no rush to settle for something or someone I don't feel strongly about. I call it the -Serious-Case-of-Too-Many-Options aka the sky is the limit so why settle?
Truth be told, everything is going quite well. I've been lifting heavier weights, talking to diverse group of people, and spending some quality time by myself. My days are not spent stressing over deadlines (since I always meet them) nor do I look at the clock very often. Granted, I may sometimes even forget what day it it, but surprisingly enough, I always manage to get things done. Before this, however, I faced the challenge of conforming myself to societal pressure by avidly forcing myself to fit into a certain mold....only to find out that the mold was completely dull and un-Khanhlike. I talked to people who didn't really make me feel happy. I thought about things I could have changed. I even pretended I was consumed by a moment of true lust but it was purely a mimetic temporary one-time deal. All in all, I've learned that I suck at being someone other than myself. I am completely, utterly, absolutely bad at it. My energy and happiness are now tunneled through my need to wake up early in the morning, daily routine of cardio and strength training, and several good reads. Needless to say, there's something so great about perfecting a delicate balance by doing things that feel right and appreciating life despite of all its negatives.
Okay, back to studying.