There's just something about us together that excites me, thrills me, and scares me at the same time. Although I've had many crushes in the past, he was one of those people that stood out from the rest of them. When I met him, I was a freshman in college. Having been in a committed relationship at the time, I did not think much of our encounter. He was just another tall, handsome guy that I passed by in the halls. But somehow, someway, I still remembered his face...or rather, his height.
When we were officially introduced, I was pleasantly surprised. There are thousands of people on campus. How is it that I am able to actually shake hands with the guy and say to him, "Hi, my name is Khanh." Either way, it happened.
It was nice and to my amusement, we clicked immediately.
He was beyond intelligent, sarcastically charming, musically inclined, and our conversations were always thought-provoking. After every single one of our talks, I would question a lot about my life and my existence. I would think about traveling the world to fulfill my wanderlust and leave everything I've ever known behind. He brought another side to me that I didn't think was possible. His thoughts and ideas on the way things work pushed me to walk outside of the circle, instead of being stagnant in one. Without even realizing it, he pushed me to choose the road less traveled, but it felt comforting because he knew I could do it. He gave me something that another person wasn't able to give to me at the time. He gave me hope. And that was my favorite part. His rebellious nature went against structure, organization, and of course, education. Normally, a person like that would push me away, but I understood where he was coming from and in a way, I was envious of the guy because I wish I had the courage to walk away from all of that. But I couldn't. He did.
Why I am reminiscing about the memory of this person, despite not seeing him for years, is because I miss him. Not just him, precisely, but the intellectual conversations I had with him. I miss bonding with someone while sharing our passions and ideologies without any external factors manipulating our chemistry. I miss being around a person that I can be hundred and ten percent myself with while having butterflies all at the same time.
Since then, I haven't met a guy who could stimulate my mind as much as he did. Okay, maybe my friend from Stanford but that's because he's a genius and it's beside the point. This person, without knowing, has made me want to better myself, to see the world, and to follow my own pursuit of happiness. Instead of holding me behind, he decided to let me go and now we are no longer in contact with each other.
I don't regret anything. Our unlikely friendship blossomed in a time when I experienced the most heartbreak and change. I am grateful for having to meet a person who never pretended to be someone else. That's the type of person I like. A genuine one.
Thinking about all of these things humors me because it allows me to reflect on my recent encounters with people only to be left disappointed because nothing is comparable to what I had. Now I know everyone is different and charming in their own respective ways, however, I know substance when I see it. But it's okay. Maybe it's just not the right time.
So I hope you enjoyed this story. It is a story of the second person and last person I ever fell for.
It has been almost three years since then.*