There's a Fine Line

"There's always going to be attention and scrutiny. You can either understand it comes with the territory and embrace it, or you can lock yourself away. And I just can’t do that. I need to be living my life.

You cannot hide from the spotlight. You have to learn to embrace it."

- Aaron Rodgers regarding the on going process that comes with living in the public eye

Yesterday, my Big Sis from my sorority drove all the way from Culver City to Garden Grove in order to take me out for a celebratory big-little lunch date. Back when I was still in college, this was our usual thing. Boiling Point. Extra order of intestines. And then we would spend an hour and a half or two catching up on the events that has occurred in our lives. I'm always so grateful for the family that my sorority has blessed me with. Even though we all have to focus on our own lives, my big sis is one of those people who never forgets to check up on me occasionally and it's those rare personal relationships that I very much value and respect.

While we were both obsessing over our additional side orders and meal, she looked at me and said, "You look very happy." I told her I am. Yes, I'm not always at my 100 percent (in fact, I'm kind of sick right now), I know that I  have actually reached the point in life where things are about to change and the change is going to be quite exhilarating. I truly believe that the ups and downs of the years that came before this has prepared me for this moment right here. Also, I've been meditating for exactly a week now, which has done wonders for my mornings as well as set the tone for the rest of the day.

Moving on, I've noticed that a lot of people around me have been taking in the news of my career notice extremely well. I've received phone calls, beautiful messages, and tweets. One of my best friends is cooking me a dinner meal today, which I'm extremely excited about. I even got to Skype with my brother for about two and a half hours and he is currently serving in the Army in North Carolina . The amount of enthusiasm and love that have been given to me can never go unnoticed. I can be such a cheeseball sometimes. These warm words always give me all sorts of butterflies and unicorn-feels. That's also not to say that it doesn't come with a small price, because it does and what I'm about to discuss next has a lot to do with the quote I just posted above.

For the past couple of days, two if you want to be exact, I've received random messages from people I haven't heard from since our days at Bolsa Grande High School. In addition to being bombarded with questions there was also an influx amount of text messages from guys who now suddenly demonstrate a peculiar interest in me and my well being.  The curiosity is absolutely understandable; however, there comes a point when these questions can come off as extremely rude and intruding. Yes, I used to put up with it in the past, but I no longer have a tolerance for bull shit and kiss ass. If you're going to invade my space, I have the rights to protect my privacy and happiness. This is just a nice way of me saying that I'm not someone you'd want to upset.

So after an hour of feeling extremely agitated, I asked one of my friends for advice regarding these type of situations and he said to me, "If I were you, I would just ignore it." I have contemplated about this option for awhile now, but to me, being unresponsive meant that I was being as ill-mannered as they are. Okay, I guess I can look at it that way. Or I can look at it as a means for me to simply just live my life without the approval or opinions of others. It's all a matter of perspective really and I'm sure you're able to see that balance is currently something I'm striving towards.

I've reiterated this so many times before, but I find it extremely important to promote transparency and authenticity; however, I like to draw a fine line between my professional, social, and private life. Sometimes, there is such thing as feeling invasive. I just did not want to reach that point where I have to be like, "Hey, dude. That's not cool. You didn't care about what's going on in my life then, why are you bothering with me now?" At the root of it, I'm still very much the same person, which ticks me when people say things like, "Please don't forget all the little people." First, if I didn't forget about us, considering we've known each other for years, why would I suddenly view you as a 'little' person and dismiss our friendship entirely (if it's still a friendship presently)? I can see why there's a sense of urgency considering the more things I pack on my plate, the lesser the quality times I'll actually be able to have. However, I have been loading things on my agenda since I was a little girl. I got this, guys. We'll hang out soon (like you said). I'll be the one who actually initiate and coordinate our date (as always). And no, you will never be seen as a little person and nor will you ever be forgotten, unless you end up becoming some huge jerk. Other than that, it's a promise and I'm always a woman of my words. Just stay patient with me.

At the end of it all, if you're loved by me and you know who you are because I tell all of you this every day, I will never have to explain myself. You know I will always have time for us. And for everyone acquaintance out there, I appreciate your support. I really do. Thanks for tuning in all of this time.

That's all I have for today. In the meantime, please take care.