I don't like to call it a date unless someone outwardly tells me, "Khanh, I would like to take you out on a date." Call me traditional, but that's the way I see it. My friends like to insist otherwise, but I do what I like and say how I like it. A hangout. Today, I was supposed to go on a hangout. I will probably leave the majority of the details about this person out of respect for him, but I'll tell you that he is a very sweet, kind-hearted, and presumably, good-looking guy. We exchanged a good amount of text messages back and forth prior to this and it wasn't until two days ago did we decided that maybe we should actually hang out in person. Keep in mind that I had no intention in furthering whatever this was. I really just looked at it as something casual. Everything seemed to be going well for the rest of the day, but towards the evening time, I felt a little knot in my stomach. I don't know how to describe it exactly, but there was this little uncomfortable voice ringing in my head and that's when I knew that I should take a step back and reflect on my priorities before I decide whether or not I should move forward with this person. I then spent all of yesterday coughing up a storm (as always), keeping myself busy, checking my emails, finishing up my readings, working out at the gym, and then calling it a night. This morning, however, I woke up with this strange feeling I just couldn't shake. I had this small epiphany and then I knew that it was my calling to do the right thing.
While I am a woman of my words, which means that when I set plans I will always follow through with them, I knew better than to give or take someone's time if my intentions were not completely clear. First off, nothing has been established between the two of us. Secondly, I already have a lot of things on my plate. Thirdly, there are other interpersonal relationships that I feel like has a potential for more growth and depth than the one I have with this person. So normally it is a part of my daily routine to wake up, meditate, and then blog. This time, I decided to channel my energy into creating a writing piece that would demonstrated how I actually felt. I thanked him for his authenticity and kindness. I told him that instead of distributing his love that he wants to give to some potentially great or not so great chick out there, that he should first give that love to a person who should also be a priority---himself. I said to him, "Yes, the world becomes more beautiful when you have someone special to experience it with (I say that because I was lucky enough to have that three years ago), but there’s also beauty to be found everywhere when you get to see through the lens of a person who you will be stuck with for the rest of your life." It was important for me to let him know that he is an incredible person and any girl would have been lucky to have gotten to know him. But at the end of it all, I had to be honest with myself without completely compromising my values and truth is, age difference and all other factors aside, we just weren't on the same page.
This short-lived experience has taught me so much about myself. I've learned that it's important to treat people the way you want to be treated, which means I'm not going to lead someone on and risk hurting them in the process. I wanted to know and receive that peace of mind that even though there's a possibility he might be hurt in the near future, that the person who's behind all of that pain is anyone but me. Here's a little fun fact about me. I feel too much and I feel too often. When someone experiences some sort of emotions, good or bad, a big part of me also feels for them. While my end piece was a bit lengthy, I wanted to make sure that I addressed everything that was running through my mind and that it came from a very pure place. My heart. At the end of the day, I just hope that we don't lose another compassionate person (someone who actually values traditions, commitment, and chivalry) to a generation who always settles for pseudo relationships and instant gratification.
I don't expect a response from him. In fact, I hope he doesn't say anything to me at all. However, I wish him all the luck and happiness in the world. It's always so refreshing to know that nice guys are out there. Just gotta find a person who is running the same race as you are.