I have completely lost track of the amount of uncomfortable conversations I have had within these past couple of month. However, I felt a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders when one of my favorite authors reiterated the notion that that sometimes a person's success is measured by these kind of unexpected, unwarranted moments. For about two months or so, I've been feeling a significant amount of stress, which eventually led to me feeling extremely insecure and unhappy. The only time I would ever feel at ease is when I'm around my close friends, family members, and/or my boyfriend. I, being the person that I am, was very much aware of the situation. I knew exactly why, who, and what that made me feel so unsatisfied and unmotivated. Instead of being decisive and put it upon myself to take some calculated risks, I chose to not change my circumstance and as a result, I felt into a very dark pit hole.
To do or not do? To say or not to say?
At the very worst, what could happen? Well, let's see here.
- I might have to start over.
- I will have to face the unknown and uncertainty.
- I will fail.
Okay, after writing all of these things out, it actually doesn't seem all that bad. I've been through way worse, but if you really wanted me to be honest with you, I'll tell you that I'm hanging on for what's left of my passion and fire due to the very fact that I believe that change is possible. If I changed my attitude, my work ethic would suddenly change. If I changed my actions, perhaps, I would finally get that stamp of approval that I've been so desperately seeking.
These things ought to happen, right? Wrong. At this rate, there's a high chance that nothing will change unless I'm willing to step outside of my comfort zone and actually have that uncomfortable conversation. It's never easy to eliminate every single physical and psychological baggage, but it's always better to follow your heart than be miserable and dreading to wake up every morning. I don't wish this upon anyone, especially not myself.
I guess I have a lot of thinking to do as I move forward with my next step, but we'll see how everything goes! As always, Fight On!