As big of a fan as I am of William Shakespeare, I never truly understood his works of tragedy. It was something I could only fathom through acts of imagination but to say that it's relatable would be a complete and utter lie. Hence, the saying, "Never say never" because that's exactly what I'm experiencing right now. Although I'm not directly involved in any way, a close family member is going through a terribly tough time and I couldn't help but feel part of the aftermath aka emotions that comes with such heavy trauma and atrocity. I don't know if you've ever experience a tragedy before and as foreign as it is to me, I feel like my world is flipped upside down. This is the kind of tragedy that awakens you, knocks you out of your stance, and shakes you in more ways than one.
This morning, I woke up wishing that the news I've heard was something that belonged to a bad, mortifying, once-in-a-lifetime nightmare. Unfortunately, it's not and as upsetting as it may be, I am trying my very best to find some sort of peace within my heart so that I won't be scarred or damaged by the images I've already read about. It's hard. It's hard on me, it's hard on the people I care about, and moreover, it's even harder on the family members who are directly linked to it all. "Is this really happening?" "Tell me it's not true." "Just wake me up already."
I have goosebumps right now just writing about it but writing is the only thing that can bring me solace and a better sense of understanding of what is occurring. I feel pain, devastation and confusion. More than anything, I desperately wish my curiosity didn't get the best of me. I desperately wish I never used my deductive reasoning in the first place so that I would live to never find out about the mortifying truth. But here is a funny thing about life, you guys. You and I (if you haven't already) are going to experience some good, some bad, and some 'What the fuck just happened' kind of moments. Whatever it may be, try to be present, face your demons and emotions. If all else fails, find comfort and love by opening up your heart to someone who you can rely on. That's exactly what I'm trying to do because whether we like it or not, pain does indeed invites us to grow, bond, and become stronger.
Please keep my family in your thoughts.