About a week ago, I received a phone call that changed my life forever. "Grandma's in the hospital," my mom franticly whispered on the other line.
As soon as I heard those words, Jonathan and I dashed to the hospital and found my 90 year old grandmother in the IOU. A couple of hours later, she was transferred to the ICU. A day after that, we were told that all of her internal organs are failing and the only way we can keep her alive is if we get rid of the infection in her body by giving her a dialysis while being hooked up to a ton of tube-like things.
It's been a week filled with so much pain, tears, and turmoil. Standing next to her bedside made me feel helpless because I knew that there was nothing I could do to alleviate her pain and suffering. Instead of crying while I'm at the hospital, I was encouraged by my loving boyfriend to talk to her and so I did. I told her I love her. I told her that if she gets better, my mom and I will bring her home so we can celebrate Tet (Lunar New Year) together. I told her that I am prepping for this pageant and that I can hopefully bring back a title for her. I convinced myself that if my grandma fights, I'm going to fight but it hasn't been easy.
Every new day brings uncertainties and unanswered questions. While her health has progressed, the dialysis has stopped working. I've reached that point where I'm too numb to say anything and too exhausted to cry another tear. I know very well that as much as I am hurting, it's my mother that I'm most concerned about.
All of this chaos has taught me to prioritize the people I love and to never take anyone I care about for granted. On the other hand, it has made me rid more friendships, which is something I'm not complaining about either. My best friend Emily says that's probably the biggest takeaway I'll have these days from the situation at hand: perspective.
"You have to remind yourself that life hasn't been unfair because your grandma has been in good hands and good company till the very end. Remind yourself that even though she wasn't fair to your mom, you owe yours and your mom's existence to her. She had a good run, and she had an exceptional daughter who gave way to an incredible grand daughter too. And although this is the grimmest of situations to be reunited with family, you get to see faces you normally don't get to see. Situations will help you bond more deeply with family too."
Amidst the agony and the dread, tough situations like these brought me closer to my incredible friends and of course, to my number one cheerleader, Jonathan. I would like to end this post by thanking everyone for their kind words and action during this difficult time. I couldn't be more loved and I owe so much of my well-being to your consideration.
Let's hope that my grandma continues to Fight On.