I know I didn't get the chance to say this before, in the midst of all the craziness that was January, but Happy February beautiful! I can't believe that the first month of 2015 is officially over and I can't begin to tell you how bitter-sweet of a month February is for me. Bitter because the month is so short. Sweet because one of my favorite holidays is coming up ;) You can probably guess which one. Yes, you're right. It's Valentine's Day. V-day has always been exciting for me. I remembered my Sophomore year in high school, I asked one of my close friends to be my Valentine for a day. I didn't have a crush on him or anything, but I thought it would be nice to just call him mine since we were both in Pre Calculus together. It's funny because he just texted me earlier today asking if I had any plans for the the fourteenth coming up. Junior year, I stuffed my best friend Steven's lockers with a bunch of cutout hearts and confetti during lunch time. He said yes. (Not that I gave him much of a choice, heh) Senior year, my parents and I drove up to Norcal for a short family reunion trip. That weekend, my friend drove from Sacramento to take me out on my very first date ever. We had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory, watched Dear John, and later evening, he asked me to his senior prom. Couple of weeks later, we made if official and our anniversary actually landed on the day following Valentine's Day. You know, one of the pros of having a significant other in your life is that you never really have to worry about being alone on these kind of special holidays. But despite having plenty of fun-filled celebrations, one February 14th stood out to me in particular and it just so happens to take place in the year 2012.
It was a weekday and I was in my office at the startup tech company I was working at. Bored during lunch time, I began to scroll through my Facebook feed only to see a bunch of posts from my girl friends consisting of flowers and all the cute, cheesy surprises their respective boyfriends have given to them. But there I was, in my own little space, flowerless and boyfriend-less. Couple hours before, my BF and I somehow managed to get into a heated argument when we decided that perhaps we should call it quits...a day shy before our two year anniversary.
Out of all the Valentine's I've ever had, I remember that one being the loneliest....my life seriously felt like it was straight out of a bad Hallmark movie. I spent half of my break crying outside in a little corner so that I could maintain my professionalism. I even almost called my best friends David or Brian, but I knew that both of them were probably spending time with their girlfriends. It was tough. I couldn't imagine being alone, going through the day alone, and perhaps, losing my first love.
Turns out, I ended up undergoing everything I've just listed.
A year ago, I decided to do something different. I went out the night before to purchase 5 fake roses, bunch of arts and craft supplies then drove back to the apartment to make 5 homemade cards. I wrote a personal message to each of them that went something along the lines of, "I wanted to give you something that can never die. Like this rose, I hope our friendship lasts forever." Later that afternoon, I picked up a bouquet of assorted flowers and surprised my best friend with it when she visited that same day. It's hysterical that almost twenty something years later, I've learned that this holiday was not simply about the romantic love that I can provide for someone. In fact, it's really about celebrating all the love that is already present in my life. And trust me, I have so much to be grateful for.
So once again, Valentine's Day is creeping around the corner. I get a little bit giddy when I think about it because I want to see how the tables will turn out. I've had a couple of people here and there hinting about possibly spending that holiday with me, but I'll just have to wait and see. My close friend and I did in fact negotiated the deal that if we happen to be alone by 11:59 PM on the 13th, we'll just have a pal-entine together---ya know, where we're both going to dress up in something nice (me in my red dress/ him in his swagged out suit), reserve dinner at some fancy restaurant, and check out the hot waiter while we're there. Even if no one asks me to be their Valentine, I honestly wouldn't mind taking out a friend. Someone I know who will never take what we have for granted and it will be my formal way of reciprocating their unquestionable loyalty and friendship.
All of my friends laughed obnoxiously when I joke with them about my #foreveralone status (every so often) since they are all confident that I, of all people, always manage to have something up my sleeve. However, I'm so blinded when it comes to figuring out if someone has a crush on me or not. Maybe this will be a good holiday to solidify some of those theories. If not, better luck next time.
You know, it's always great to look back and see how far you've come. Just three years ago, I was crying over something I had no control over, something that no longer felt right to me. I feared the thought of being by myself and possibly, losing a best friend. However, those days are far behind me and I am more happy and confident now than I've ever been in my entire life. Being in love and losing it taught me so much about my self-worth and that I'm more than what the stigma that comes with being single upholds.
Here's to a fabulous February.