Smaller Circles, Bigger Changes

I know it's been awhile since I've last posted, but a lot has happened since then. For starter, I somehow landed a spot on the Top 20 and will be competing for a national pageant title come next year. Also, my modeling career has been drifting towards a more promising direction so at the very least, I have that going for me. All in all, life has been filled with its fair share of ups and downs---more ups than downs so I'm glad. While I do have a good amount of quality Khanh time, I have noticed how different life is compared to let's say 9 months ago. I definitely have the same core group of friends---the untouchables as I would like to call them (a.k.a. Steven, Emily, David, Brian) and while my professional network is slowly expanding, the older I get, the smaller my inner circle gets.

Exactly a year ago, I would spend most of my Thursday nights at a go-to night club with one of my good friend at the time. Sometimes we would even kick it up a notch and go out on Saturday and Sunday too. I don't know how I did it back then but that kind of lifestyle just doesn't quite appeal to me anymore. More recently, I've traded in music festivals for concerts. Late nights for date nights. Large gatherings for one-on-ones. And it wasn't until this very moment did I realize, "Holy shit. I'm going through the "I'm to old for this" kinda phase. While the change was sudden, I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I just don't feel too settling with being THAT girl anymore. By that I mean, I simply want to detach myself from that post-graduate image. Ya know, the girl who always goes out, always have a good time, and yet never have a clue as to what it is that wants to do with her life.

At the ripe age of 23, I have pretty much cut out alcohol, except for the occasional drink or two *special occasions only* and have been maintaining a better eating and exercising regime. Did I mention that I actually drink coffee now? These habits, although hard to distinguish at first, has led me to believe that perhaps I'm growing out of my old shell, which I think is a really good thing for someone my age. First and foremost, I am very conscious in regards to where my energy is being spent and in particular, who I am spending it on. This is applicable to my career move, my relationship, my friendships, and etc. Secondly, I've discovered the power of the word "No" and "Yes." Saying "No" to things or people who may be detrimental to my well-being and "Yes" to new opportunities and collaborations.

Overall, it has been a truly enriching experiencing. Dealing with loss was hard. Saying good-bye to people I claimed as my "ride-or-die" was hard. Heck, a friend of mine for 6 years who used to refer to me as her "Best Friend" recently unfollowed me on Instagram and all I did was this..."oh. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" There are a couple of things I've been pretty obsessed with lately and those things are as follows: e-books, podcasts, actual books, and interviews on Youtube.

Here's one I would like to share with you today. It's a podcast featuring, one of my favorite writers, Mark Mason.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did and thanks for checking in!


Status Update

I always joked around with my friends whenever I tell them, "You know Khanh cares about you when she skips one of either two things A) a meal B) the gym." While I tend to say these things in a silly manner, there's definitely a lot of truth to that statement. I love my food and I love my workouts. But if what we have is something special, I'll be more than happy to choose you any day. A couple of days ago, I drove out to Irvine for some Buffalo Wild Wings and since I was in the area, I decided to give my friend Mike a visit at his apartment. We sat there for about four and a half hours or so, which is pretty crazy if you tell me. I usually never spend that much quality time with people and I guess that's my problem. I've been isolating myself so much, sometimes I forget how amazing it feels to be around those whose company I genuinely enjoy. Towards the middle of our conversation, he stopped and asked me, "So why did you see me today?" I paused for a little while to think about my answer and then I said to him, "Because I consider you my good friend and we have quality conversations." If I take in account what I said to him now, these are the two things that are complete gems to find nowadays. Authentic people and just damn good ole open conversations. Can't say I'm not a sucker for both because I am. The first time I looked at the time on my phone, it was 6:30 PM. Next time I took a look at it, it was already 11:15. Time flies when you're having fun, right? I really do treasure these small moments so much because they remind me how important it is to make time for people who would without question make time for me. (note: my friend skipped his usual Skype session with his girl just to sit in the kitchen for our catch-up sessions. Thanks, Mike).

In today's age, with technology increasing all sorts of connectivity, it's absolutely ironic for me to tell you that I feel more disconnected than ever. The people within the generation I am in values the concept of making friends. The more the merrier. 'Let's add this person or let's follow this other person.' It somehow becomes a number game that I have no desire to be a participant in. The sad truth, however, is that due to my strong social media presence, I somehow manage to partake in the game anyway. So in order to stay grounded, I try not to sweat too much over the number of followers I have or the amount of likes on a single photo and instead focus on my actual interaction with them in real time.

So these past couple of days has been quite an eye opening experience for me. I felt emotions I would normally try to avoid or hide. Feelings of sadness, discontent, and confusion. The craziest part is that I kind of enjoyed it. My friends stayed patient and kind. My brother began to open up to me more. I also started to rid all the nonsense relationships in my life once and for all. Remember when I told you that I turned down a person because I wanted to preserve his optimistic view of the modern world? Well, it seems like he has moved on quite well. Since less than a week later, he has officially gotten into a long distance relationship. It's not my place to speak too much about his personal affairs. All I have to say is "Phew*" I definitely dodged a bullet with that one.

At the end of this whole experimentation, I felt a sense of ease as I begin to navigate myself through the psychological turmoil that I've put myself in. I think the one thing about pushing yourself out of your normal comfort zone is that you begin to see things/people for what they really are. Never in my life have I been more confident in my relationship with my peers and I'm equally thankful to know that they will continue to support my endeavors now matter how crazy it might seem.

That's it for today. Hope everyone's enjoy their week :-) Take care.