Almost is Never Enough

Ariana Grande said it perfectly,"And we almost, we almost knew what love was, but almost is never enough."You can listen to her song here:

I had an amazing weekend. Great company, great music, great memories--most of which I can still recall, which is an awesome feat for me. Then I spent all of yesterday in bed, drinking green tea, and giving my body the rest it rightfully deserves only to wake up and realize that it is Monday. Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against Mondays, but today just happens to be an exception.

Any rave goer will tell you that what they are experiencing is simply [Blank insert name of the event here] withdrawals; however, this wasn't my first rave nor was it my second. Going through withdrawals shouldn't be this bad, but I'm a little bit more skeptical and concern this time around. Why? There are a lot of things I need to figure out. I'm not scared at all...I'm just giving myself some time to think things through before making my final decision. These next few months are extremely critical for me and I just don't have the time or energy to screw it up.

Moving on, this morning I woke up, drank some water, checked my text messages/emails, and then I logged onto Facebook (pretty much the usual). Of course, the first post I saw happened to be a bunch of pictures of him and his gal in the Bay Area---a trip that he and I were supposed to take together. Now I know it's unhealthy for me to think about the 'What if I did this' or 'What if I did that' but I couldn't help it. The album was filled with gorgeous photographs with the man that I chose to walk away from because I was fresh out of USC and completely new with the whole dating scene. Aka noob. Luckily, I'm a fast learner and quite adaptive I must add so it didn't take me too long to be more acquainted with post-grad life but when the right time came around, it was already too late. He moved on. I mean, we were never really anything official to begin with, but there was potential. It was the first time in a long time that I saw someone of whom I could see myself investing time in. Indisputably good-looking, driven, and forward. We didn't have to play any games or beat around the bushes and that's exactly how I like it. A good friend of mine tried to cheer me up and told me not to focus on what I don't have and more on what I do have. She said I was so blessed and loved and that things will naturally fall into place.

I believe her. I always believe her. From the outside looking in, my friend is absolutely right. Somehow, someway, things do work out on it's own. However, when you're on the inside looking out, it's hard to keep up that positivism 100% of the time. It's not to say that I've completely lost hope but it's never easy when it comes to walking always from something that felt right. I guess that's how it works though. Sometimes life gives you lemons, other times it gives you oranges. It doesn't really matter what fruit we're talking about because at the end of the day, I only care about the one that passes the test of time. Goodness, how come no one ever told me how difficult it would be to navigate through my early twenties. I know the old folks always tell us to enjoy our youth and take advantage of our prime years, but this transition is kind of strange for me. Overwhelmingly strange, but I do try my best to enjoy it as much as possible. Key word: try.

I mean I have kept my body in tip top shape. I go out with the girl friends. I spend time with my family. I pretty much have done everything except giving myself time to relax and reflect. I haven't been able to breathe at all because all I've been really doing this past month is drinking, dancing, gyming, and repeat. October was fantastic, but it flew by because I wasn't focused at all. I was extremely distracted by irrelevant things and by things, I'm talking about people. The Khanh that I know and love is more than that. She's ambitious, a goal-getter, and she's fearless. Today, not only am I suffering from Escape withdrawals but I am also missing the girl that I used to be so proud and fond of. I desperately want to find her again and so that's what this next month is all about. November = Me focusing on me as well as ridding all distractions and any toxic interpersonal relationships. Never again will I settle for 'What could have been' or 'It almost did but it didn't' because let me tell you something guys, almost is always never enough. Okay, time to retrieve to my hermit cave. Have a wonderful Monday everyone!