"What do you know about him?" my little bro asked bluntly as he drove the both of us to our usual gym outing. Without hesitation, I started to go down a list. "Well, he's...." without fully realizing that my answers lacked substance and thought.
And of course, my little saw right through me. "The only thing I got from you was that he's tall, he's nice, and he has a good smile."
And then he went out to say something I was already well aware of. "You know nothing about him."
And then it finally hit me. He was absolutely, undeniably correct. I know nothing about this person. I don't know what he likes to do on his past time. I don't know how his friends are like. I don't know who he is beyond these four walls. At the end of the day, I had no freaking idea and the strangest part was that I was so okay with it. For once, I was okay with not knowing.
But why? Why is that? Especially when these minor details used to hold so much significance to me.
It wasn't too long ago when I declared myself to be the ultimate people person. In a way, I still am. But things has been changing rapidly since I got back from Vietnam. I've been more distant and I cannot believe I am even writing this out, but I'd be lucky if someone can keep my interest beyond the two week mark. As of late, I've been unamused, extremely irritated, and yeah...you got it...even angry. I guess one of the most arduous tasks for me was to determine the point in time in which I lost sight of real versus unreal connection. From a psychological perspective, I can outwardly declare that the way in which I see my ideal self is completely incongruent with my actual experience with the world. Self actualisation became difficult, but as I begin to further contemplate about my little bro's words, I suddenly found what I was looking for: clarity and objectivity.
And so this is the conclusion I came up with.
I've been completely distracted with an idealized, non-existent 'interaction' so much so that I've lost track of the one person I needed to focus on ---> me. Because it has been such a long time since I've formed a natural connection with someone (refer to my previous blog post, "The Second Person"), I've started to settle for less. Despite it being good company, I am fully confident that there is always potential for a deeper connection to be establish and I should be open to that, instead of running away each and every single thing things start to move forward. Therefore, I desperately need and want to try something new. I don't know how well I'll be able to execute these major points, but I will most definitely try.
1) Don't pigeon-hole the other party aka let them be the person that they are meant to be instead of mentally changing their image in my head to satisfy my own sense of self
In a recent article I've read on genuine connections by Leo Babuta, he wrote, "Explore who people are without knowing what you'll find. Be curious. You’ll find the real them this way, and it’s much better than finding what you hoped to find."
2) Recognize that that there are no gains without pains.
We all yearn for meaningful human connection and yet we hold ourselves back from putting the full 110 percent. We want something real, but we're not willing to work for it. We want something beautiful, but we're not willing to spend time to cultivate it. We want something organic, but we're constantly playing the game of cat and mouse. So now, now I want to build a genuine network with people who are already close to me as well as be open to setting aside prejudgments when meeting new people.
3) Be okay with being vulnerable.
I want to be a competent, strong, and intriguing woman. At the same time, it's impossible for me to always be well put together. I can attempt to always wear that facade but then I'll be unauthentic and that's the last look that I'd want to go for. What I need to do is to remind myself that I am not a robot. I'm a human. I have emotions. I have my moments. Sometimes, I'll slip. Sometimes, I'll have a really bad day. Sometimes, I'll be cranky. But you know what? I find that in these moments of vulnerabilities I have grown to trust the people around me (my friends and family) as well as establishing an even closer, deeper connection with them. So it is absolutely okay to be vulnerable.
That is all that I have for today. Wish me luck, guys!