It's Not You, It's Them

Why it never worked out with the other person had little to do with them and a lot to do with me. Or so I thought. Here are three situations that taught me otherwise: In work, in friendship, and in relationship.

Situation #1

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to apply to be an editor for one of the biggest entertainment magazine companies on the market right now. You'd be surprised how quickly people can get back to you sometimes. Within 24 hours, I received an email from the Senior Editor stating that (and I quote), "Your resume is extremely impressive. However, I do not think you are suited to work in a sensitive environment such as ours." It was not the first that I received a rejection, but at the same time, it reiterated the notion that I was always good...just never good enough.

Situation #2

Six months ago, I met someone and we ended up talking everyday. Despite of the distance, I felt like we established a great friendship and I'm not going to lie, there were butterflies each and every time he called me beautiful. The person was a bit older, but age was the least of my concerns. Four months later, he stopped talking to me completely. I mean, we're all adults here. Could we have had a mature conversation together? Yes. Did it happen? No. Is it my fault? At the time, I felt like it was...although I couldn't wrap it around my head as to why it would be in the first place.

Situation #3

Without knowing, I guess I have developed a major crush on a close friend of mine, but unlike an average person, it only took me a couple of years to had it all figured out. Since he was a friend, I did everything I could to ensure that we sustained that friendship. There were handwritten letters that never made it to the postoffice, video messages, birthday surprises, and etc. Having his company, alone, made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I mean the thought of even holding his hands scared the bejeebus out of me, but when it finally happened, I had forgotten why I even liked him in the first place.

What I've learned from these three scenarios was that some things are completely out of my control. I can't force an employee to see what a wonderful candidate I am because chances are, there will always be someone better. Though there were times when I wish the hiring person would just give me an opportunity to showcase my talent, I would be left with an email indicating that the offer was given to somebody else. In a way, I believe that this was life's way of whispering to me that something bigger and better will be soon on its way. Of course, I've also spent some time thinking about all the failed friendships and whether or not if I wasted my time on those people. However, it has only made me appreciate my loved ones more than ever. And as for relationships? Well, it can be just as complicated and simple (depending on how you'd like to look at it). I can sit here and once again list the number of things that I am not (ie. younger, more beautiful, wiser, funnier and etc.) or I can think about all of the physicalities and capabilities that I have to offer as the independent and strong woman that I am. Any man who can't see or unable to appreciate/accept me for the person that I am just means that he wasn't right for me in the first place. So who am I to fall for such a fool? Made that mistake twice, shame on me. I am so much happier now than I have ever been and I attribute my happiness to all the rejections, the trauma, and the love that I've received.

So allow me to tell you that it is never you so don't go too hard on yourself. Because similar to me, one of these days, you will be an emerging leader within your profession. Someone out there will appreciate your art. Your voice. Your discipline. You will have wonderful and loyal friends around you so long as you remain true to yourself. Keep them close and put in that 110% for them. And in a couple of years, you will also be a partner to someone who is as capable and resilient as you are. So never settle otherwise. You deserve all the success, happiness, love, and more. In the meantime, do werk ;-)