"You deserve so much more, really." I stared at the text message for awhile, sat there in the middle of improvisation class, and was completely at loss for words. Somehow, someway, I felt like a big block of weights was lifted off of my shoulders.
It has been a pretty emotional week for me. With an intense debate for my argumentation class and the last month of Senior year , everything that I never bothered with before finally got to me. The pressure. The days slipping by. The moments lost. The list was endless. I began to ask myself questions as strangers, mere acquaintances, 'old friends,' and even an old lover initiated conversations with me. While the depth of the conversations was a reflection of our so-called 'friendships,' I was a bit overwhelmed by the way in which people spoke to me. Some of them were nice. Some of them were direct. Most of them were curious, really. Those who never bothered to check in on me before began to show more interest about my life and endeavors. And there I was...thinking to myself, "Why me?" and more importantly, "Why now?" I'm not the most outspoken person in the world and that's something I'm very much well aware of. Furthermore, I either let things go or I hang on to them for as long as I can. One of my friends like to describe me as an extreme-ist. Everything I do is either one or the other. Hot or cold. I never dive myself in the grey area and that's what makes me so different. Until now, that is. You see, when I'm happy, everyone and anyone can feed off of my energy. I'm an exuberant character and I very much enjoy being that person. The Khanh that I like is someone who is positive, enthusiastic, and loving. However, ever now and then, I mold myself into becoming just the opposite. Cold, bitter, and unamused. Realizing that I needed someone to talk to, I quickly dialed the third person on my Favorites list (the first two is my mom and home). Her first words to me was not 'Hello' or 'Hi.' Instead, she asked me, "Are you okay?" Now that's what you called a good friend. "No, I'm not." And so for the first time in four months, I cried and cried. She told me, "Sometimes it's okay to be weak, Khanh. It takes a strong person to admit when they're feeling low." I cried some more. Once I got it all out of my system, I wiped up my tears, changed my clothes, and started brushing my hair since class was in twenty minutes and I wasn't planning to be late. My friend stayed on the other line the entire time as I was getting ready and explaining bits and pieces of the emotions that I have been feeling lately. I mean, it's always nice whenever people see me composed and happy, but there will be days when I feel like nothing's going my way (ie. today) There will be days when I question the people around me and whether or not they have my best interest (ie. today). There will be days when I have to wake up early, rewrite an entire debate project that's worth 25% of my grade because my partner was unable to handle the intensity of the project (ie. today).
Yes. Today was just one of those days. But you know what? Now that everything has calmed down (I nailed my improv act and debate) I've realized that today is also a lot of other things. Today is a great day for me to reflect on my life and appreciate the friend who has listened to my story and took on my pain as if it was her own. Today is the day when that very same friend told me I was beautiful and that I was deserving of so much and more. Today is also the day when I get to see my favorite neighbor whose company has never ever disappointed me. So despite everything, today is just another beautiful day in the life of KPD.
You now how that old saying goes, “Trouble don’t last; always this too shall pass.”